


echoes a spark

by amprsand



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Post-Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 01:33:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15132161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amprsand/pseuds/amprsand
Summary: rubatosis - the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeatShe could feel it, thethump thumpof her heart beating against her chest. It felt loud in the silence of her bunk. Like screaming. Or maybe she felt like screaming. Would anyone hear her if she screamed?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _then i think of the start_  
>  _and it echoes a spark_  
>  _and i remember the magic electricity_  
>  _then i look in my heart_  
>  _there's a light in the dark_  
>  _still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me_  
>  _that i wanna keep_  
>  _please don't leave_  
>  \- niall horan, "flicker"

She could feel it, the _thump thump_ of her heart beating against her chest. It felt loud in the silence of her bunk. Like screaming. Or maybe she felt like screaming. Would anyone hear her if she screamed?

But there was that heartbeat, still roaring through her ears.

And his? Silent. Both of them. One frozen. One never to be heard from again.

She rolled to her side and wrapped her pillow around her face in a feeble attempt to quiet her heart, but it kept on going. _thump thump._

Without him.

She sat up and threw her blanket aside, hands rubbing at her face. Fitz always did this when he was frustrated. Did she? She couldn’t remember. She wasn’t sure if she was picking up his habits in his absence.

Months she’d spent poring through constellations and planets, mapping paths they could possibly take. They’d found Hunter, God bless him, and he told them “somewhere near Jupiter? Maybe?” That was good enough for her. So she planned and gathered supplies, trying to keep her mind off the fact that Fitz was gone. Fitz was gone, but also out there.

Her mind couldn’t wrap itself around that concept. She mourned the loss of her husband yet held hope at finding her best friend. They were and weren’t the same person.  

With a groan, she stood up and made her way to the cockpit. The zephyr was set to auto, but Mack was awake, sitting and staring at the vast expanse before them. It had been three weeks since they left the lighthouse. Just a little bit longer, she kept telling herself.

Mack heard her approach and turned to look at her. “Couldn’t sleep?”

She shook her head. She didn’t sleep much these days. She only dreamt of Fitz. When she’d wake, she’d remember he was gone. But he’s not, she kept reminding herself.

She often wondered what would’ve happened if he didn’t… if Fitz hadn’t… if Fitz came back to her, and they broke the loop. What would they have done with two of them? Her mouth twitched up at the thought. Fitz and Fitz. He would’ve driven himself insane.

Mack stared at her with knowing eyes. “We’ll find him.”

“I know,” she said softly and sat down next to him. The zephyr moved silently through the stars, winding its way to Fitz.

She was broken out of her reverie by the panel blinking in front of her.

“I think we found him.”

She didn’t hear Mack. She was transfixed by the flashing red light, beeping in tandem with the beating of her heart. Could Mack hear it? Calling out to Fitz?

“Simmons. We need to—”

Jemma sat there, numb. _beep thump. beep thump._

“Simmons.”

_beep thump. beep thump._

“Simmons!” Daisy shook her arm. Jemma snapped out of her daze, staring up at Daisy.

Things were mostly sorted between them. Jemma knew Daisy still harbored resentment towards what Fitz had done, but that didn’t mean Daisy didn’t miss Fitz. Daisy told her she missed the Fitz that learned to hold a gun; the Fitz that held her after she unlocked her powers; the Fitz that stood up for her. Fitz was the brother Daisy never had. Mad as she was, she still wanted Fitz back. Especially for Jemma. They would all help Fitz this time.

“Simmons, are you ready?” Jemma stared between Mack and Daisy and shook her head. She couldn’t find words. Daisy pulled her into a hug. “You’ll figure it out. We’ll all figure it out.”

As a large meteor came into view, they saw a glimmer of a ship attached to it. The zephyr flew up and attached itself, locking into place. Jemma stared nervously at the shadow of Jupiter in the distance.

Mack unlatched the door. Jemma carefully boarded the ship as Daisy and Mack trailed behind. A tall bald man stood in the entryway, waiting for her. “Hello, I am Enoch. I am a sentient Chronicom from a planet—” Jemma ran to the metallic chamber behind him. She stared into the frosted window at an unblinking Fitz. She gasped as tears sprang to her eyes.

“Leopold Fitz is waiting for you. Would you like me to wake him?”

“Yes, please. Uh, thanks,” Daisy answered for her. She felt Daisy’s arms wrap around her shoulder and gently pull her back. She turned and held onto her friend.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for everything he did,” she cried. She was sure she already had this conversation with Daisy, but there were too many emotions for her to manage right now.

“It’s okay, Simmons. It’ll be okay.”

Jemma wiped her face and pulled back. She felt Mack’s hand on her shoulder. She reached up and squeezed it. “Thank you. Thank you both.”

They waited in silence as Enoch programmed the chamber to wake Fitz. It felt like she waited hours, but it was mere minutes before the chamber hissed open and Enoch lifted the lid. She could hear Fitz’s gasp of breath. She covered her mouth with her hands, wanting to scream with joy and sadness. Fitz was alive and breathing. Fitz would never breathe again.

She watched as Enoch helped Fitz into a sitting position, throwing a blanket over his shoulders. Fitz grabbed the blanket and pulled it around himself.

“How long,” he croaked.

“Couple of months,” Daisy answered. Jemma watched as Fitz’s head snapped up. His mouth fell open in shock as he stared at them.

“Welcome back, Turbo.” Mack choked on his last word, a sad smile crossing his face.

Jemma ran forward, but stopped an arm’s length away. The silence stretched as she stared at Fitz. She could feel her heartbeat increasing in pace. _thump thump thump thump._ She stared at his chest, watching it rise and fall with each breath. Was his heart beating as erratically as hers?

“Jemma…” Her name came out no louder than a whisper. She stepped forward and placed her hand on his chest. She closed her eyes and waited. _thump thump thump thump._

Her heartbeat matched his. She smiled and opened her eyes. “Hi.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rubatosis - the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat

They led Enoch and Fitz onto the zephyr. Enoch stayed with Mack and Daisy at the front as they explained the events that occurred.

Jemma led Fitz back to her bunk – _their_ bunk. He shuffled slowly next to her, blood still working its way back through his legs. Her heartbeat slowed to a quiet _thump thump_ , ringing lightly in her ears with his footsteps. He sat down on the bed and she felt his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her to him. She leaned down to kiss him and breathed him in. He smelled like Fitz.

He _was_ Fitz.

Tears poured from her eyes. She couldn’t stop them. Fitz pulled her onto the bed next to him and cradled her body against his, draping her legs across his lap, pillowing her head against his shoulder. He wrapped the blanket around them both, gently rubbing his hand on her back. She cried for the man she lost. She cried for the man she found.

She didn’t know how long they stayed that way with Fitz rocking back and forth, whispering quiet words into her hair. He held her till her tears dried.

His white t-shirt was damp where her head rested. She moved away from his shoulder and used her left hand to wipe feebly at it. She paused at his heart, feeling the soft _thump thump_ against her palm. She was certain Fitz could tell there was more to this than the fact he was in cryo sleep for a couple months, but he made no move to disturb her.

She cleared her throat. “I’ve missed you,” she said quietly.

She felt him place a kiss against her temple. “I was coming to find you.” He pulled back and gave her a lopsided grin. “Looks like you found me first.”

Fresh tears sprang to her eyes and she choked on a laugh. “Yeah. I did find you.” She wiped at her eyes with her hand and blew out a breath. Fitz brought the hand against his chest to his lips. He closed his eyes, kissed her palm, then placed it against his cheek. His eyes sprang open as he felt cold metal against his skin. His eyebrows raised in silent question.

Shit. The ring.

“Jemma?” He schooled his face into a mask, careful not to betray his emotions, but she knew. Whatever version of Fitz, she knew this man.

_thump thump._ There was that bloody heartbeat in her ears again. She felt her face flush. How could she possibly explain to him what happened? “It’s not what you think. Well, it’s sort of what you think. It’s complicated.”

She climbed off his lap and reached under the mattress, pulling out a small box and opening it. She turned and sat cross-legged, facing Fitz, motioning him to do the same. He turned and faced her as she took the ring off her left hand, placing it upon Fitz’s open palm along with the contents of the small box. He sat motionless.

_thump thump_. Her heart ached for the man that was gone. Her heart ached for the man in front of her. _thump thump_. She wondered if she would ever feel normal again. _thump thump_. She hugged her knees to her chest and watched as Fitz stared at the two rings.

“How,” Fitz choked out. It wasn’t a question. He wouldn’t meet her gaze.

So, Jemma told Fitz how he saved them, how they were married, how he had a grandson, how he broke down, and how he died. “You saved me. You saved us all. You froze yourself for 74 years and saved us from the doomed future. We were stuck in a time loop, and you were so convinced we couldn’t break it. Of course, I had to prove you wrong. Except—” Jemma took a deep breath, “in breaking the loop, I lost you—no. Him.” Fitz stared at her now, rings clenched in his fist. “Fitz, please. Talk to me.” She needed to hear his voice.

Fitz squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed a hand over his face. He let out a heavy sigh and opened his eyes, staring at a spot behind her. “So. We’re married. But—we’re not. I’m dead. But—I’m not.”

_thump thump thump thump._ It was louder than ever, pounding at the thought of having lost him, having found him. It all came tumbling out. “I know this is confusing. I’m confused, too. Please don’t think I love you any less. I don’t love him more. He is you. You are him. At the same time, he isn’t you, and you aren’t him. Everything is and isn’t. Except one thing—you _are_ Fitz. You’re _my_ Fitz. Always. Doesn’t matter what version of you exists, I love you. I don’t think I will ever forget the one that I lost, but that doesn’t diminish any love I have for you. Does that make sense? I lost him and found you.” _thump thump thump thump._ She grabbed his free hand and placed it on her heart. “Can you feel it?” _thump thump thump thump._ He nodded, gaze still averted. “It’s all I hear these days. I feel it through every fiber of my being, constantly reminding me how I’m alive and you weren’t. You aren’t a replacement, Fitz. You’re,” she squeezed his hand, “You’re you. You’re the same man who started a conversation about dielectric polarization. The same man who sacrificed himself at the bottom of the ocean, who dove through time and space to find me. I’m by your side, forever.” _thump thump_. Her heart quieted. _thump thump._ Waiting.

“You’re not the romantic one, remember?” he quirked. He squeezed her hand in reassurance and pulled back, staring intently at her. “I don’t know how I’ll ever reconcile that there was another… me. But, I do know that all I could think about while I was locked away in solitary confinement was how I would find you and never leave your side again. This—” He gestured between them. “Us. We’re unstoppable together. This has to be stronger than any curse. I know there are things we need to work out, but I don’t want to live another day without you. So Jemma Simmons, will you marry me?”

She grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him. “Yes. A million times yes. Now. Forever. Through lifetimes. Galaxies.” She peppered his face in kisses. Yes, this was Fitz. Yet, it wasn’t Fitz. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was Fitz was with her.

He wrinkled his nose and pulled back. “Stop distracting me,” he muttered as he placed the ring back on her left hand. She took his ring from him and placed it on his left hand.

She stared at their joined hands, rings glistening in the dim light. Fitz was here. Fitz was beside her. Fitz.

“We’ll sort this out,” he said.

“Together.” She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his.

“Together.”

In the silence that followed, she heard nothing but the sound of his breathing.

**Author's Note:**

> How long has it been since the finale? I'm still not over it... This was an attempt to get better at trying to be over it.


End file.
